In the grand scheme of things, what I write and think about doesn't matter. But often, writing has proven to be the strongest ally I have with communicating ideas, frustration, and the emotional states I find myself in.
I have a tendency to beat myself up over the outcome of things both within and beyond my control; something I'm aware of, and learning to get better at handling. I regret that I quit a well-paying job in a field I love, because of principle, and because I was confused and needed to pursue what I knew I could professionally achieve.
The real world hits you back hard, though, and after almost six months of trying, consistently, to gain equitable employment, I'm close to chucking my career aspirations out the window. I need to talk about how much I love content, and great writing, and passionate people, but I also need a job that puts a roof over my head and makes me feel validated, if even in the basic ways I need to feel now.
I've read countless articles, blog posts, and updates from people online who talk about pursuing your goals - which I still intend on going for, given the opportunity.
I made pancit guisado on Saturday, a staple of the Filipino cooking cannon that I've never prepared myself - noodley goodness loaded with succulent pork, shrimp and tender-crisp vegetables, tossed with the savoury depth of soy and oyster sauce. It was fun, and produced a deliciously large plate eagerly consumed by three. I blanched the pancit's veg components separately - matchstick carrots, snow peas, and crisp green beans - for a minute, dunked them in an ice bath, then set aside for tossing with the noodles and shrimp in the last minute of cooking. A great technique to prevent soggy, sad vegetables in the final dish.
My dinner companions have been incredibly patient with me throughout this period of self-doubt, work-searching and general deflation of personal worth and confidence. I've considered these weekly recipe projects a welcome respite to the arduousness of job hunting - hopefully, to result in a greater good.
Photo via Pulaw on Flickr.